Tight Head, Loose Balls

This is a tongue in gumshield view of English rugby. It will first of all uphold the ethos, camaraderie and dodgy morality of the greatest team game in the world. However, it will be biased and if you aren't English, don't expect me to apologise either. Once I get the hang of it, I will encourage comments and forums, but all those Wind Up Merchants (one-eyed Taffs and Kiwis please note) that clog up other boards will find themselves on the end of a good shoeing and rucked out the back.

Tuesday, 12 February 2008

Six Nations - week 2

Diving for the corner - Lesson 1: If you are going for the corner in a tight spot, be sure to wear boots the same colour as your socks. That way the idiot TMO may miss your size 9 landing the wrong side of the line.

Diving for the Corner - Lesson 2: At least 9 points for artistic merit, but like the rest of England's performance, an outstanding example of dull thinking. Why dive and put the ball down one handed when you can slide over with the ball in two. Deserved to be dropped for good if he had dropped the ball here. Idiot!

"Jeez boys after a start like that I'll bet we're gonna get beat today. I'll lay 5-1 against us? Any takers?"

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Things we like

We admire the dedication, fitness and professionalism of today's top players. But we also want them to remember they are rugby players and have a beer or two and let their hair down every now and again.
Vigorous rucking - with a good bit of shoe for those who stray on the wrong side or attempt to kill the ball
The British Lions - the greatest tour and probably the only professional one
Singing Mucky songs - yes I know its a cliche but anything which makes you thirsty must be a good idea
Proper Scrums and Lineouts - nothing against rugby league but we prefer our restarts to be contested and our forwards to be different shapes and sizes
Happy Hour
Easter Tours - long may they continue

Things we don't like

We abhor the blazers and marketing idiots at the RFU and wish to ask them just in whose best interests are they screwing up the game.
The new throat slitting haka. If its a tradition, why change it?
The IB and the cretins behind the new ELVs. Legalising bringing down a maul?!! Please forward all law suits c/o Paddy O'Brian, Dublin
Lady singers for the anthems - unless they wear a low cut top and are showing off their Charlies - thank you Katherine Jenkins
Interfering touch judges who would rather be refereeing the game - are you watching Stuart Dickinson, Steve Walsh and horror of horrors, Jim Fleming
Hotel Owners/Managers who can't distinguish between good old fashioned high jinks on tour and vandalism (see also foreign police and souvenir collecting)