Are the All Blacks the Best Drinkers?

Well far be it for me to comment on Dougie Howlett's arrest earlier this week, other than to say it has been a great week to be an Englishman.

I loved the way he declared an act of boozed up vandalism as "Tomfoolery", its the sort of understatement rugby is famous for. Like Bill MacLaren declaring an all-in toe-to-toe punch up as a bit of shenanigans.

However, the Hooker has been digging this week and can exclusively reveal the reasons behind this incident....

Howlett was thoroughly and absolutely pissed.

He was part of a group of 25 people, including 6 All Blacks who ran up a bar bill of £12,500 during the evening.

Now I know the Heathrow Hilton, I have been stung there for food and drinks myself. But that is still a seriously impressive bill. It works out at £500 each, which at £5 for a half of Steinlager, is 100 halves, or if they were men, 50 pints each. Assuming that some of them were ladies, or women at the very least, it only makes the total all the more impressive.

I can understand the need to drink to forget, but were these thirsty Kiwis trying to obliterate everything about the last month? Or were they on bottles of Krug and Crystal Champers? And if so, why? What on earth did they have to celebrate?

Also, who picked up the tab? Going on the strength (or weakness) of the Kiwi dollar (especially after last weekend) I find it hard to believe the players coughed up, so it was probably sponsors or wealthy fans/wannabees. Fleet Street needs to find out.

Mind you, the best bit is that dodgy Doug (hairbands on a rugby pitch!!) is going to go pretty pale when he sees the bills to repair the cars. I understand mechanics in NZ are plentiful, cheap and good. Almost the exact opposite then of an English insurance claim then. He may well be landed with a bill close to the tab for drinks! Cheers! Hic!

A letter to the Blazer in Chief - IRB

Dear Syd,

First of all, congratulations on what has been a month long party and rugby piss-up. To think some unkind souls said you couldn't even organise one in a brewery.

However, there are many rugby fans who would like you to take these thoughts into the next executive meeting:

1. Keep the tournament at 20 teams. We like the minnows and they have done alright. Who has the right to say no to Georgia when they should have beaten the Paddies.

2. You have to get the SANZAR protectionists to include Argentina next summer and create a Quad-Nations tournament. The Argies are definitely good enough and it will encourage all of the other nations outside the original 8 member countries.

3. If SANZAR bleat about TV rights, threaten them with the following:
a) Tell NZ you are moving the next cup to Japan.
b) Tell South Africa they have to pick a side that represents the Nation, i.e. 80% Black, 20% white and with Indian management.
c) Tell Australia you are replacing all line-outs with scrums.
That should do it.

4. The Super 14 must be expanded to include the three Polynesian countries - Fiji, Sarrmower and Tonga as separate teams. It is shameful that Australia and NZ have colluded to cherry pick from the islands while doing everything in their power to prevent the establishment of a professional game in the South Pacific. Its your job to fix it. Do it.

5. Can New Zealand really host the next RWC? Do they have enough of an infrastructure? Are there more than 20 hotels in the whole country to house 20 teams, media and thousands of fans? Tell them they need more hotels or the whole lot moves to Japan, pronto.

6. You must never let the party atmosphere be diluted by having the tournament in more than one country. France playing in Cardiff was ridiculous, as was letting Wales and Scotland play their big pool matches at home.

7. The remit of the IRB is to promote, foster, develop and extend the game around the globe. So surely it is time to change the make up of the IRB Council. Why should Italy and Argentina have only one council representative, while Ireland and Australia have 2 each (as do the rest of the original 8). Rugby should not be a closed shop, one member per country, with more added please.

8. Do not mess with the scrummage. It is a vital part of the game, regardless of the constant bleating in Sydney. So no law changes please, unless you want to see a quarter of the forwards leaving the game for ever. You don't need real props if you don't have proper scrums - see Rugby League for details, and we all know how much of a minority sport that is.

9. Lastly, I have seen on your website how many administrative staff you have added off the radar in Dublin . [Go to www.irb.com, then "about irb", then "irb staff" for the full jaw dropping details.] Jeezus Syd, have you done a head count recently? How many shirts and tackle bags in Romania, Georgia, Samoa, Chile etc. can you buy for the annual payroll. Get a grip man and wield that axe.

I thank you for your attention and remain,

Yours sincerely,

Hampshire Hooker

P.S. Any chance of a ticket for Saturday, anywhere with a view will do, not fussy.

Click here to watch England v France in Paris

We should not get too drawn up in the euphoria of last weekend's victory. However, there is a history of France having a big win and then failing to turn up the next week (see RWC99).

Also, England played in Paris against the French and won well in RWC91. Click on the headline above for the link. Like me, no doubt you will enjoy seeing the English 8 ensure every stud makes its mark on Blanco, and also "The Tackle".

Don't watch the rest as you won't want to be reminded about the final.

The Arrogant to play the Complacent

Well another couple of cracking matches today saw South Africa overcome Fiji, but not without a huge scare - while Argentina saw off Scotland without finding 3rd Gear and yet could have lost in the last two minutes.

What is it about the underdogs in this World Cup? The refusal to lie down and take a beating has been a feature of the whole tournament and the quarter finals in particular.

Did anyone predict the semi-final line up? Not me, I freely admit I was looking for a bookmaker to take a bet on the 4 big Southern Hemisphere nations contesting the Semis - and thank god I couldn't find a bookie to take the bet.

It is a popular fallacy that the English are really arrogant, but has anyone listened to the Boks recently? They really are unpleasant. Apparently the centre Jaque Fourie said the team did not respect Fiji and expected to win easily.

Well, but for a terrific cover tackle from a coloured player (which we all know hurts many Bok fans) they would have joined the Kiwis and the convicts on the plane south. I know they scored twice afterwards, but the tackle in-goal was the turning point. But a big hand to the Fijians, for getting both Wales and South Africa to be drawn into a big game of sevens , and we all know who is the best at that game.

And I was disappointed with the Argies tonight too. Lets not kid ourselves, they are a very good side and they can win the tournament. In fact any of the remaining 4 now could and might win. But the Argies let themselves down with a limited game plan. As the offloading between their forwards shows, they are better than just relying on a strong kicking and pressing game.

As for the sweaties, well they made way to many mistakes to deserve anything from the game, but they did come close, battering away 5 metres out with 2 mins left on the clock. They didn't look like scoring but you never know, a little more precision and they could have sneaked it.

So roll on next week. After Saturday, I am too shy to make any more predictions, but wouldn't it be great for the South Africans to get a bloody nose from the Argies and go out. It would be one in the eye for the Tri-Nations for refusing the Argies to join in their party.