You won't win anything playing in Grey!

When will they ever learn?

The kit manufacturers I mean.

England football team in Euro 96.

Bayern Munich v Man Utd in the Champions League 99.

London Wasps v Edinburgh Heineken Cup 2005.

And the latest screw up, New Zealand All Blacks (ha!) v France RWC 07.

All lost, all wore grey.

Its rubbish isnt it. It doesn't feature on any national flag. It isn't even a colour for God's sake.

Was it all a master stroke by those cunning Frogs to unsettle New Zealand? Did Nike really change the colour from Bleu to Marin in order to create a colour clash? Did those 15 NZ players look merely mortal playing in a colour that wasn't black, or not even a colour? Perhaps, yes. Bloody clever and a worthy new entrant in the pantheon of Rugby Dirty Tricks.

Will France switch back to their true bleu for England next week? Would be hilarious if they did, job done!

Mon Dieu! Four more years of Hurt!

I can hardly believe it! What another tight finish and a hell of a game.

Another victory for the Northern Hemishpere and yet again no World Cup for the Kiwis.

Are they the best at peaking between cups? Certainly they have been on the wane since they crushed the Lions two years ago, but they were deserved favourites before the tournament.

Did they choke? Well perhaps yes. They certainly did not have their cut and thrust in midfield, where they have never adequately replaced Umaga, and when the game was at its tightest, who were their half backs? Leonard and Evans, not exactly the most experienced pair to call upon in a crisis.

But surely this is a night for celebration. France defended magnificently. After their second try, they defended 28 phases of possession and then won a turnover. A huge fillip for them and their ENGLISH defence coach. NZ had 70% of the possession and lost!

And the Frog bench won it for them too. In Harryordinary, Le Gyppo and the Gay Blade Michalak, France had match winners to lift them in the second half. The last try in particular was a belter.

So its the old enmity next week in Paris. England v France. Can't wait. England will once again be the underdogs, but will fancy their chances against a team who they made look pretty ordinary in March and should have beaten in August. France are back to being favourites at home - can they handle it? We shall see.

Bu perhaps sweetest of all, all the one-eyed crowing from the Land of the Long White Sheep has been found to be premature. Is there a Kiwi who still has his World Cup Winners T shirt? Does it still fit? Is it still black? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha .............

Dive! Dive! Dive!

What a game, what a result. The old ticker was deep into the red in the last ten minutes. But what a performance from the white pack.

As for the Aussies, all the pre-match hoopla and utterances were just so much smoke. When push came to shove, they bottled it and dropped it - every time.

Not since the German U-Boat manoeuvres in 1941 has Marseilles seen such repeated diving as that of the Wobblies front row this afternoon. For a minute I thought the ref was going to go the whole match getting smoke blown up his arse, but after 20 mins he seemed to have an epiphany and saw the truth and light. I would like to think he remembered the justifiable disgust and pillory of referee Andre Watson after the last RWC final. Or maybe he worked it out by himself, England had the drive, they didn't need or want to drop it.

And any game where the loose head is the Man of the Match can't be too bad. I know England didn't score a try, but it wasn't for the want of trying. A little more patience and we would have been in.

Had Australia won the game it would have been as fine an example of burglary as any in their nation's history.

Right, time for a few throat charmers, my voice needs it after a couple of hours screaming at the TV. What price an England v France semi now?

Getting your whingeing in early!

I have heard it all now.

The Australians have turned their back on their history and switched to complaining about English roughhouse tactics before the match has even started. Now I must have been watching a different competition to these sensitive souls in the Aussie pack, but I have not seen anything approaching violent play from the English in this tournament.

Indeed, some of us would have been grateful for just a hint of that against the South Africans. So what is behind the convicts' whining?

I think we all know. They are genuinely worried in case the English 8 do a number on them like they did 2 years ago at Twickenham. They hope that if they start complaining early, that when push comes to bloody great shove in the match and the scrum collapses, they can shout about "dark tactics" and hide behind the ref's skirts.

Much as I would really love to see the game pan out this way, I think the Wobblies are worrying unnecessarily. I agree with them that the Blessed Brian has picked a pack to do a certain job, its just that I think the target will have moved on before our boys get there, puffing and blowing from the last breakdown.

The problem is our back row is too slow to stop Gorgeous George Smith. He will have swooped and dug out the ball before Cozza and Easter are 5 metres from the contact area. We needed Rees and Moody working in tandem to have a chance. Of course Rees was bullied off the ball against the Boks, he was the only one there!

Also, if we wanted our strongest scrum out to press the Golden Girls, why have we taken Stevens off? Even those outside the front row can see he is a better scrummager than Vickery. Much as I hate to say it, we looked doomed.

No doubt the Wobbly scrum will creak and collapse repeatedly, and as usual, the ref will let them get away with it and find spurious reasons for penalising England (remember the last RWC final?). So don't expect too much tomorrow. God it would be great, but just how much possession do we need to secure to outscore Mortlock and his mates. More than 75%?

Wales out, Scotland scrape in, Ireland gone

Such fun this weekend.

After the Taffybus crashed into the palm tree on Saturday afternoon, England fans faced the hilarious thought of the other home nations failing to make it to the Quarters at all.

Unfortunately, in possibly the poorest match of the tournament so far, the Sweaties had a better kicker and beat the Italians in the rain. But they could have won by more if they had actually tried plan B. Never mind.

Meanwhile, to qualify, the Paddies had to beat Argentina, score 4 tries, and win by more than 7 points. So nothing at all achieved there then. Much like this golden generation altogether.

And back to Wales. Is it the anthem? Why do they fail to turn up in the first half? Why did they think a fast and loose game was the way to beat Fiji of all people? Very strange. But I am sure all true rugby men will feel sorry for Gareth Jenkins. He has been sacked already (if only the players were as quick off the mark) and no doubt is currently being fitted up for the scapegoat costume back in Cardiff. I suspect something is wrong in this camp too, perhaps the captain has been sowing sedition again (ask Mike Ruddock for details). Quite why a plank like Thomas can ever be seen as a role-model is beyond me. Mind you, perhaps he fits the Welsh image of themselves: - covered in crappy tattoos; toothless; dense and always up for a fight. Tidy!

We have all heard much about the goings on in Camp Paddy these last weeks, my spies in Dublin have been active and I hope to post the full unexpurgated version in the next 24 hours. Just so long as BOD pops into Kitty O'Shea's tonight. Check back soon.

England through for rematch against convicts

Well that wasn't as bad as many of us feared! Our thanks to the Sackster for 2 very smartly taken tries which pulled England clear when we looked like making heavy weather of the whole match.

The backline also looked better this time - at least it did once Barkley went off. Nothing against the Bath man, he has looked alright as Jonny's stand-in at stand-off, but with Tait alongside its too featherlight in the centre. And the choice between the two is a no-contest, see Tait's try for details. So expect to see Faz in there for the Aussies, perhaps as the biff to match Mortlock.

Elsewhere the back row is not right yet as the Hooker predicted. Mongo did his usual headless stuff, charging about and was effective at the breakdown. It would be fun to see him in tandem with Rees, and I think we will need both against George Smith this weekend. I would leave Easter in, he may just be improving after all, and drop Cozza.

Mind you, my name isn't John Wells.

As for the front 5, if we are to have any chance against the Governor's Prison XV, we shall have to bring back Shaw for more biff, retain Stevens for his better scrummaging and go at the Aussies hard in the scrum. I shall preview the game later in the week, but you heard it here first.