Yes but is it sport?

I don't mean to belittle the smaller rugby nations, I loved seeing the Portuguese out there, particularly the fat prop with the long hair - like Nadia before the operation.
But the trouble is, these matches aren't really sport if we all know the result beforehand. Did anybody stay in to watch the All Blacks whip the Portos? No, nor me. Places to go people to see etc., same with Wales v. Japan tonight. Its not tempting enough to incurr the wrath of the Memsahib by turning over Eastenders, not when you need to keep your powder dry for France v Paddies tomorrow.
Does anyone out there think Japan have a chance and Wales won't win by at least 40 points? Thought not. I mean, we all want the little guys to do well if its not our team they are playing. We all cheered on the Georgians as they rumbled so slowly to the Irish line but ultimately, they didn't win and a magic moment was lost. Shame, as I so wanted to hear Cheerleader O'Sullivan talk that one up.
Anyway, nearly done now and the quarter finals are only a fortnight away. Before that, we have any number of top matches to choose from. I am most looking forward to France v Ireland. Allez les Bleus! And we still have two more England matches to sit through, gulp!
I'm off to get more beer in and a large box of Neurofen.

England no longer expects

Speaking to fellow Englishmen during the last week, there is clearly a consensus among the fans. None of us think we have a chance to win. We know we are going to go out before the final, as I suspect, do the players.
We just want to see our side play with a combination of fight up front and some verve behind.
We would rather that we had a good go at Samoa and Tonga and played some attractive rugby, and lost one of the games and went home - than shuffled to two halting victories, qualified for the next round and got stuffed by Australia.
Because the simple fact is, we are not scoring enough points to worry a top 6 side. Our back play has descended to such a low, we could not convert a 4 on 2 overlap, assuming that is we were skilful enough to create one in the first place.
The side Brian Ashton (and try and remember that this is the doyen of coaching attacking rugby) has taken to France looks short of skill and pace, and yet maybe, in his latest team, St Brian has found a set of backs who will at least give it a bit of a lash.
I know he has moved Lewsey to full back, but I suspect that is so the wingers selected will at least head for the wide open spaces, rather than into the nearest contact like Josh does. Has he become Samoan? Is he suffering from small man complex (he is only 5' 8") and trying to show he can be as hard as anyone? The annoying thing is he has good defence and some talent, and if he could be persuaded to run for the gap instead of the man, his pace and low centre of gravity may well see him through.
The front 5 is probably the best we have got, so no squabbles there, but the back row, Good God Terence! Does anybody other than the coaching staff really think they are either the best 3 players we have or in their correct positions?
Worzle is a hard tackling 6, and that's it. Corry is a 5 and half. Not tall enough for the second row and too slow for the back row. He should never have gone to France at all. I know he will take the ball up into contact all day, but so what - where does that ever get us? 61% possession and no points against the Boks. And Easter is simply a good Premiership player who to date, has failed to make the jump to Test matches.
What this back row lacks is pace, balance and a genuine openside. And as the match is not due to be played in Bath during February, but against a South Pacific side on a firm pitch under a warm sun, that seems a near criminal omission from the coaching staff - John Wells in particular. I know Rees was strangely anonymous against the Boks, but this highlights the original selection problems of picking too many Leicester players and not 2 opensides.
Still, let us live in hope that England will at least score some tries and play with more cut and thrust behind the scrum. As for a result, since we can't win the tournament, does it matter?

France show up - Ireland happy with same old crap

Like a well meaning but muddle-headed uncle, France turned up last night a week late for their own party. They duly blitzed Namibia by more than a point a minute and may have settled their nerves ready for next week's crucial decider against Ireland.
Meanwhile, over in Camp Paddy, those sphincters are tightening again after their England-like performance against Georgia.
It is fascinating to compare the contrasting styles of the management at the moment. England have gone for the sackcloth and ashes look, beating themselves liberally with birch twigs and admitting that they don't have any "world class" players and are playing at a standard below the sum of their parts.
Meanwhile, in Camp Paddy all is sweetness and light. Cheerleader General, Eddie O'Sullivan is proud of the heart and fight his boys showed against Georgia in holding on to win by 4 points. This is the same head coach who was handed a new 4 year contract before he set foot in France - something about having the celebration before sitting the exam springs to mind here. Still, rugby fans the world over will be sorry Eddie has decided to drop the pocket corpse, Peter Stringer. For years wee Peter has entertained us with his Barnes Wallis pass, dazzling sidestep (ha!) and cheery face like an Undertaker's coffin polisher.
Both teams face possible elimination this coming weekend - which will be the better philosophy? Grim reaper or blind optimist?

Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics

Just when you think things can't get any worse, a match like that comes along.

We were told that the English team were "up for the fight". Er, no. Not on last night's evidence.
I will get onto the technical deficiencies in a bit, but first of all, where was the fight, the muscle, the backyard dog attitude? Nowhere to be seen.

For the 3rd time in a year, (Croke Park, Cardiff and now Paris) this team has been bullied from the start. It's a national disgrace, and the coaching staff and in particular Wells and Ashton need to look at themselves and ask "How can this be?" I could bear the indignity of the 2nd half in Marseilles because we were agressive, albeit stupid. But last night was shameful - just shameful.

My deepest sympathies to the thousands of fans who put their hands in their pockets and shelled out for tickets. You were robbed by the RFU, who should offer them all a refund, or at the very least apologise. but don't hold your breath.

So that was the frst lie. that England were up for the fight.

The second lie and more damnable one will be when someone in the RFU (Francis Baron perhaps) points the finger at the clubs for the blame for England's collapse - and they will, just wait. Utter balls, the finalists from the Heineken Cup, Europe's premier club competition were? Leicester and Wasps. And the Wasps, who won by the way Mr Baron, had 13 Englishmen, and just one Irishman and the French captain in their starting XV. And just who organised the tour of South Africa to clash with the H Cup Final? It wasn't the clubs.

Statistics also lie, yet there is a worrying trend among coaches and some analysts to suggest that statistics can tell us something about a game. Just for the record look at this....
England had more possession 61%; more territory 62%; missed fewer tackles, 7 against 11; beat more defenders, 10 to 8; kicked less, 33 times to 44; forced SA to make almost twice as many tackles, 97 to 51; made more carries, 93 to 50; more offloads, 14 against 6; and looking just at the stats, should have won the game.

RUBBISH! We were second best from the start , never looked like scoring and were lucky to get Nil. When your scrum half takes a precious bit of turnover ball, swivels and kicks it directly into touch, you know the decision making is woeful. Similarly, when the 2nd row has a 2 against 2 twenty yards out, with his winger outside him and goes for the chip kick through. (How can he even think of that? Do they practice this at Leicester? I think not) These are things which should have been coached out of 13 year olds, never mind professional international players. Its scandalous.

Still, roll on Samoa next week - or as they must now be called - Sarr Mower.