A letter to the Blazer in Chief - IRB

Dear Syd,

First of all, congratulations on what has been a month long party and rugby piss-up. To think some unkind souls said you couldn't even organise one in a brewery.

However, there are many rugby fans who would like you to take these thoughts into the next executive meeting:

1. Keep the tournament at 20 teams. We like the minnows and they have done alright. Who has the right to say no to Georgia when they should have beaten the Paddies.

2. You have to get the SANZAR protectionists to include Argentina next summer and create a Quad-Nations tournament. The Argies are definitely good enough and it will encourage all of the other nations outside the original 8 member countries.

3. If SANZAR bleat about TV rights, threaten them with the following:
a) Tell NZ you are moving the next cup to Japan.
b) Tell South Africa they have to pick a side that represents the Nation, i.e. 80% Black, 20% white and with Indian management.
c) Tell Australia you are replacing all line-outs with scrums.
That should do it.

4. The Super 14 must be expanded to include the three Polynesian countries - Fiji, Sarrmower and Tonga as separate teams. It is shameful that Australia and NZ have colluded to cherry pick from the islands while doing everything in their power to prevent the establishment of a professional game in the South Pacific. Its your job to fix it. Do it.

5. Can New Zealand really host the next RWC? Do they have enough of an infrastructure? Are there more than 20 hotels in the whole country to house 20 teams, media and thousands of fans? Tell them they need more hotels or the whole lot moves to Japan, pronto.

6. You must never let the party atmosphere be diluted by having the tournament in more than one country. France playing in Cardiff was ridiculous, as was letting Wales and Scotland play their big pool matches at home.

7. The remit of the IRB is to promote, foster, develop and extend the game around the globe. So surely it is time to change the make up of the IRB Council. Why should Italy and Argentina have only one council representative, while Ireland and Australia have 2 each (as do the rest of the original 8). Rugby should not be a closed shop, one member per country, with more added please.

8. Do not mess with the scrummage. It is a vital part of the game, regardless of the constant bleating in Sydney. So no law changes please, unless you want to see a quarter of the forwards leaving the game for ever. You don't need real props if you don't have proper scrums - see Rugby League for details, and we all know how much of a minority sport that is.

9. Lastly, I have seen on your website how many administrative staff you have added off the radar in Dublin . [Go to www.irb.com, then "about irb", then "irb staff" for the full jaw dropping details.] Jeezus Syd, have you done a head count recently? How many shirts and tackle bags in Romania, Georgia, Samoa, Chile etc. can you buy for the annual payroll. Get a grip man and wield that axe.

I thank you for your attention and remain,

Yours sincerely,

Hampshire Hooker

P.S. Any chance of a ticket for Saturday, anywhere with a view will do, not fussy.