Tight Head, Loose Balls

This is a tongue in gumshield view of English rugby. It will first of all uphold the ethos, camaraderie and dodgy morality of the greatest team game in the world. However, it will be biased and if you aren't English, don't expect me to apologise either. Once I get the hang of it, I will encourage comments and forums, but all those Wind Up Merchants (one-eyed Taffs and Kiwis please note) that clog up other boards will find themselves on the end of a good shoeing and rucked out the back.

Thursday, 20 September 2007

Yes but is it sport?

I don't mean to belittle the smaller rugby nations, I loved seeing the Portuguese out there, particularly the fat prop with the long hair - like Nadia before the operation.
But the trouble is, these matches aren't really sport if we all know the result beforehand. Did anybody stay in to watch the All Blacks whip the Portos? No, nor me. Places to go people to see etc., same with Wales v. Japan tonight. Its not tempting enough to incurr the wrath of the Memsahib by turning over Eastenders, not when you need to keep your powder dry for France v Paddies tomorrow.
Does anyone out there think Japan have a chance and Wales won't win by at least 40 points? Thought not. I mean, we all want the little guys to do well if its not our team they are playing. We all cheered on the Georgians as they rumbled so slowly to the Irish line but ultimately, they didn't win and a magic moment was lost. Shame, as I so wanted to hear Cheerleader O'Sullivan talk that one up.
Anyway, nearly done now and the quarter finals are only a fortnight away. Before that, we have any number of top matches to choose from. I am most looking forward to France v Ireland. Allez les Bleus! And we still have two more England matches to sit through, gulp!
I'm off to get more beer in and a large box of Neurofen.

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Things we like

We admire the dedication, fitness and professionalism of today's top players. But we also want them to remember they are rugby players and have a beer or two and let their hair down every now and again.
Vigorous rucking - with a good bit of shoe for those who stray on the wrong side or attempt to kill the ball
The British Lions - the greatest tour and probably the only professional one
Singing Mucky songs - yes I know its a cliche but anything which makes you thirsty must be a good idea
Proper Scrums and Lineouts - nothing against rugby league but we prefer our restarts to be contested and our forwards to be different shapes and sizes
Happy Hour
Easter Tours - long may they continue

Things we don't like

We abhor the blazers and marketing idiots at the RFU and wish to ask them just in whose best interests are they screwing up the game.
The new throat slitting haka. If its a tradition, why change it?
The IB and the cretins behind the new ELVs. Legalising bringing down a maul?!! Please forward all law suits c/o Paddy O'Brian, Dublin
Lady singers for the anthems - unless they wear a low cut top and are showing off their Charlies - thank you Katherine Jenkins
Interfering touch judges who would rather be refereeing the game - are you watching Stuart Dickinson, Steve Walsh and horror of horrors, Jim Fleming
Hotel Owners/Managers who can't distinguish between good old fashioned high jinks on tour and vandalism (see also foreign police and souvenir collecting)